There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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