Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could teleport
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
