Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
