im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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