It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
