My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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