i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We need a shit load of segways right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
