I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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