So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
