Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
