you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
