Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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