Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
