i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
