seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize