We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
