I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
