you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
