i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
