Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't deserve a penis
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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