Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
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