shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
