Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
