not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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