This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
