You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found the puke drawer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
