dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
