I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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