you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
