my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
