i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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