hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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