I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
