that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
