so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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