you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
