Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
