so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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