Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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