If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
