I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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