I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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