BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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