Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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