he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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