Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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