after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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