So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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