Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
