Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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