Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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