he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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