I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
