The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
