Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
