He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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