I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
