her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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