: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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