Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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