why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
