So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
