Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
