What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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