Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
