dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
