It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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