In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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