I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to make out with him forever
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
