My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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