I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
