things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
